The Frenemy Within

I want to share an article I read in Whole Living magazine (great magazine by the way)...

Have you ever been doing some menial task you do every other day (such as contemplating about the day's schedule) when a hostile voice interrupts your regular thought process?  For instance I was at a wedding this past weekend watching the bride dance with her father and thinking about beautiful this wedding was.  An awful thought that I would never have the happiness that this bride has then enters my mind.  As cruel as this heckler was, I knew exactly where she got her material.  I have recently had experiences in my life that made me think I would never be able to find the one that is right for me.  This thought was short-lived and I reminded myself all the reasons why my past relationships would have never worked, and by finding the comfort that someday I will be with someone great.  Yet at that moment all constructive and optimistic reasoning was drowned out by that persistent voice of doom.

Why does our brain do this?  I did not want or ask to be sitting in self pity! Science points us in the right direction.  This article talk about how to aid our survival, our brains evolved a tendency to scan for things to worry about.  We have hair-trigger systems that evolved to help us run from lions but now activate when we're stuck in traffic or our boss gives us a look or there's a frown across the dinner table.  When the brain perceives a threat or has a negative experience, it initiates a reaction that is stored immediately in memory.  In contrast, positive experiences, unless they are repeated or intense, tend to flow through the mind like water through a sieve. 

This article stuck with me as I realized I usually remember the bad experiences more than the good!  So, what can we do about it?  The article gave 4 steps toward kicking the habit of negative thinking:

1.) Relabel.  First you must become aware you are doing hostile self-talk.  Also notice any physical sensations accompanying the chatter (persperation, muscle tension).  Being aware of how the body reacts can help you recognize a destructive thought pattern faster.

2.) Reframe.  The goal is to change the perception of your ruminations.  You must acknowledge they are deceptive messages, not honest truths.  Remind yourself: "this isn't me; it's just my brain."

3.) Refocus. Direct your attention to something positive - the key to fixing automatic responses to your brain's negativity bias. Make a list of things you enjoy, or focus on something more interesting to you at work for a little bit.  Or sit and focus on your breath for a few minutes.  Try anything healthy that's going to snap you out of the negative cycle.

4.) Revalue. Eventually the previous steps will become a habit. It allows you to move from a mere cognitive understanding of deceptive brain messaging to knowing as soon as harsh thoughts arise that they have little or no worth.  As you go through this process you will realize how unhelpful these mind messages are and that you are truly are someone wonderful in spite of what your brain is often telling you.

I hope you found this article as helpful as I did!  So when bad thoughts creep up in your mind about bad experiences try these 4 steps.  And remember the oft-quoted Buddhist proverb, "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional."