The Frenemy Within

I want to share an article I read in Whole Living magazine (great magazine by the way)...

Have you ever been doing some menial task you do every other day (such as contemplating about the day's schedule) when a hostile voice interrupts your regular thought process?  For instance I was at a wedding this past weekend watching the bride dance with her father and thinking about beautiful this wedding was.  An awful thought that I would never have the happiness that this bride has then enters my mind.  As cruel as this heckler was, I knew exactly where she got her material.  I have recently had experiences in my life that made me think I would never be able to find the one that is right for me.  This thought was short-lived and I reminded myself all the reasons why my past relationships would have never worked, and by finding the comfort that someday I will be with someone great.  Yet at that moment all constructive and optimistic reasoning was drowned out by that persistent voice of doom.

Why does our brain do this?  I did not want or ask to be sitting in self pity! Science points us in the right direction.  This article talk about how to aid our survival, our brains evolved a tendency to scan for things to worry about.  We have hair-trigger systems that evolved to help us run from lions but now activate when we're stuck in traffic or our boss gives us a look or there's a frown across the dinner table.  When the brain perceives a threat or has a negative experience, it initiates a reaction that is stored immediately in memory.  In contrast, positive experiences, unless they are repeated or intense, tend to flow through the mind like water through a sieve. 

This article stuck with me as I realized I usually remember the bad experiences more than the good!  So, what can we do about it?  The article gave 4 steps toward kicking the habit of negative thinking:

1.) Relabel.  First you must become aware you are doing hostile self-talk.  Also notice any physical sensations accompanying the chatter (persperation, muscle tension).  Being aware of how the body reacts can help you recognize a destructive thought pattern faster.

2.) Reframe.  The goal is to change the perception of your ruminations.  You must acknowledge they are deceptive messages, not honest truths.  Remind yourself: "this isn't me; it's just my brain."

3.) Refocus. Direct your attention to something positive - the key to fixing automatic responses to your brain's negativity bias. Make a list of things you enjoy, or focus on something more interesting to you at work for a little bit.  Or sit and focus on your breath for a few minutes.  Try anything healthy that's going to snap you out of the negative cycle.

4.) Revalue. Eventually the previous steps will become a habit. It allows you to move from a mere cognitive understanding of deceptive brain messaging to knowing as soon as harsh thoughts arise that they have little or no worth.  As you go through this process you will realize how unhelpful these mind messages are and that you are truly are someone wonderful in spite of what your brain is often telling you.

I hope you found this article as helpful as I did!  So when bad thoughts creep up in your mind about bad experiences try these 4 steps.  And remember the oft-quoted Buddhist proverb, "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional."

The Help

A short while ago I was informed that I must absolutely positively read The Help, by Kathryn Stockett, as the book was being placed on my desk.  After a few weeks I decided to give the daunting book a try (it’s 464 pages in hardcover) and I could not be more pleased that I did!  To summarize quickly, this book takes place in Jackson, Mississippi in 1962 – during the heart of the civil rights movement.  It focuses around the stories of 3 extraordinary women who are determined to start a movement of their own that forever changes a town.

 

I was delighted to find that Stockett (who is from Jackson, MS herself) uses pitch-perfect voices throughout the novel, providing you with a real sense of good ol’ southerness.  It makes you feel like you are living in the moment with the characters – a spectacular quality in an author. 

One of the main characters is a 23-yr-old recent graduate of Ole Miss.  Skeeter is a headstrong female who wants to do something great with her life and yet has to fight through the societal notion that someone her age should only focus on settling down with a man and becoming a house wife.  I feel a kinship towards her as I can relate to the parallel in today’s world.  She makes you feel in the end of the book like you can in fact conquer the world with your education and a whole lot of courage.  I can only dream that one day I can make as much of a difference as she did (I won’t spoil the surprise by telling you what she does)!

 

As many of you probably know, a movie based on this book was just released.  I often have mixed feelings about books turned into movies…as usual, the book was better.  However, in this case I found that the movie did do the book some justice.  The movie starts off in the middle of the book (therefore you lose a lot of the fantastic character development Stockett relays for us) but the very important parts are all present.  The movie really gives you that feeling of southern injustice and the chill that goes up your spine when the reality of the situation hits you.  It instills in you the immense bravery the 3 main characters must have had during that time period.  It also makes you struggle over that fine line between right and wrong.   

 

After you throw that popcorn and drink in the trash and walk out of the theater…it’s a movie that will still have you thinking and wanting a little bit more.